Dinner with an ex: Do or Don’t?

Well, I did. Last week. And I’m still thinking about it…

Let me set up the scene: I had just gotten home from work and I no sooner plopped myself on the couch when I received the text, “Hey, I’m in town if you’d like to grab a beer after work.” Now, nine times out of ten I would have just ignored it. Never responded. Just gone on with my evening as usual, but I was actually really genuinely interested in seeing/hearing how this man (who was once a major part of my life) was doing.

Now, before you get ahead- nothing happened. Scouts honor. It was drinks (two to be exact-my new maximum when out on dates and apparently for meeting exes too), dinner, & a game of darts. Not completely harmless because there might have been a little flirting- but that’s it. I really enjoyed catching up and seeing how well he’s doing in life and it was equally exciting to talk about all of the good things going on in my life too. I guess the part that has kept me thinking and somewhat baffled was our intricate discussion on ‘exes’…

For both of us, we are the only past relationship that we still keep in loose contact with and by ‘loose contact,’ I mean Facebook friends and the occasional text or phone call. I hadn’t seen this ‘friend’ of mine in over two years and it had been at least six months since we’ve spoken on the phone. Everyone else that I’ve ever dated, I have completely wiped off my radar…like they never existed. Is that crazy? I’ve never really thought about it at the time, but to have someone that you are thiscloseto in one moment and then nothing the next- is just crazy. But then again, isn’t it crazier to think that you can be friends with all of your exes? And what makes this particular person different?

I guess in situations like this, there really isn’t a ‘normal’ or ‘black & white’ answer. My usual advice (to others and myself) is to ‘trust your gut’ and lucky for me, my gut is usually right. I’m not sure what prompted me to agree to drinks…which turned into dinner…which turned into darts, but I’m glad I did.  Speaking candidly to someone, who at one time I was very close to, was extremely healing and empowering. I loved being able to bounce ideas off of him and get his perspective without having to be held accountable to him later. It was really a refreshing experience…one that definitely left me pondering the idea about meeting up and being friends (just friends) with your exes.

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